Tuesday, July 2, 2013

It's July. And it's hot.



It's about that time of year I start wishing Anderson Ranch was a couple of hours away, instead of four. I miss that place something fierce. If I think about it long enough, I start to cry. I wish I could revisit those carefree days.

Sometimes, I daydream when the boys are older and we can pack up and go whenever we want, wherever we want without it sucking the literal life from me. That time of life isn't too far in the distance and I feel as though I will thrive as a mother then. I've done so much thinking about accepting myself as I am. I've been working hard at not comparing myself to other women, especially other women in the church. I've been trying hard to listen to my limits, and my heart. And to accept that having little ones is hard for me and not my favorite. And that's okay. I've come to terms with the fact that we won't have a big family and if two is the golden number for us, that's the golden number. I'm aching for the days where the boys and I are in the fields exploring and catching snakes and frogs and hiking on the weekends with our daddy. I won't worry about literally chasing kids every which way, waking up in the night, changing diapers and washing bottles. I'm weathering it, and even the cloudiest days are lined with these brilliant bursts of exquisite emotion, but someday this exhaustive stage will be in the past. And I know I'll be heartbroken, but I also know I'll be looking on.

It's so hot lately and I LOVE IT. I love it. It makes me happy and Mr. Keller says it shows. We went on a date Friday night and after dinner, when the evening weather was too delicious to pass up, we ditched the idea of going to the movies, went home for a minute to grab some blankets and headed up the mountain. We counted stars, listened to the trees and saw twin baby deer with speckled bottoms. It was so much fun.

We're hoping to visit Wyoming this week for the fourth. We'll be making a trip to the firework stand tomorrow and to the grocery store to buy treats and I'll be pulling out the pretty American flag. We tried to tell Morgy the reason behind this special holiday and he just kept asking what treats we were going to make. Danny's been overheating these last few days. #chubbyboyproblems. The floor is so much cooler and he spends a lot of the day rolling around trying to get cool. Kind of like a pup. I love that chubby little fart. I could eat him. Some days he has little bite marks on his cheeks. 

Morg had a tummy bug earlier this week and has been kind of mopey since, but came into the bedroom this evening and told me I needed to stop spending money. When I asked him why, he said, "So we can go to Texas Roadhouse for dinner." (It's his favorite.) I asked him what I needed to stop spending money on and his reply was groceries. Of course. He tells me to flush the toilet, he makes sure I wash my hands *with soap*. He tells me not to wear shoes on the carpet and he hounds me about turning off the lights when I leave the room. I would swear I have two husbands, if I didn't know the younger one was my son. His last name is Keller, if you didn't know. 


Lucky, lucky me. 
: )   






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