Thursday night, Mr. Keller picked up four white balloons on his way home from work. This week marks two years since two sweet toddlers passed away here in our area. While I am friends with one of the families, I've never had the opportunity to meet the other. Evenstill, both of these tragedies have always felt so personal to me. Little Gabe and sweet Preslee were both Morgan's exact age and all this time, the loss has felt somewhat of my own. I remember having a hard time sleeping in the weeks that passed right after their deaths. It really changed me as a mother. I kept wondering (and still do) why things can be so unfair sometimes and so impossibly hard to go through. I catch myself holding back, holding my children back from adventure and experience, wondering, worrying too much about 'what ifs'. Thankfully, my other half is there to talk me down off ledges when I'm too carried away, reminding me that no matter what happens in my life, Heavenly Father will see me through it. It can't possibly be that simple. Or can it? It's so hard to see much farther past death for me. It feels so final and strange. It makes me so unsure. It's only when I intentially focus on faith, that somehow my fears are soothed.
Thursday night, as we sent our thoughts upward, I was thinking white things. I stayed back and let the boys run off without me. I watched them from farther away and couldn't believe how the beauty of my life took my breath away.
My feelings tell me God is real. I believe He's our father. And the love that I have in my heart for my family tells me there's no end. There simply cannot be. I believe families can be together forever through Heavenly Father's eternal plan. We're yearning for that. And everything else, all the inbetween, no matter the pain, no matter the struggle, it's all so small compared to what's in store, if we keep on. And come what may, we're never ever alone. That's so comforting to me. Worry and fear are such heavy burdens. I'm thankful for one Jesus Christ who lifts them from me.
