Looking back.

{Mom took this picture shortly after my water had broke  

Don't ask me why I was smiling.}

 

Every October following 2008, I get this sort of longing in my heart and I somehow remember clearer than any other time during the year, the few weeks before and after Morgan's arrival. How sweet are my memories of that time in our lives. I miss it like crazy. I miss that belly of mine and I miss that sweet little baby body that fit so perfectly against my chest. The other night Mr. Keller and I sat in front of the computer going through old pictures from Morgan's birth and by the end, I couldn't breathe. I have to say it again. Oh, how we miss those sweet days! We were all so brand new and so naive, taking it day by day (which really means hour by hour!), trying so hard to make it through. Words can't even come close to expressing how precious my memories are of this time.

 

After going through my parents' pictures, I realized I didn't have copies of the ones my mom took of Morgan's first few days. I love them! I'm so thankful for pictures! Here are a few.

 

 

{First week, trying to get nursing down! So hard!}

{the velcrow Swaddle Me-- best invention ever.}

 

 

Hospital room note -- what's funny (and awful!) is that the nurse wrote this and he wasn't born for another 24 hours after. We kept waiting and waiting and waiting! Too long, Morgan Scott. You took too long to get here!

At home.

This one just about breaks my heart. I dreamed about this scene for so long.

 

And one last picture, which, I didn't realize until just now,  this is our very first one taken of us as a family of three -- November 3rd, 2008. I didn't even have a copy of this on my camera! It still breaks my heart that I don't even remember this moment. I had just been wheeled in from c-section recovery and shortly after, was able to hold our little Morgy for the first time. What a journey we had been on.  

and for journaling.....


Things I remember after Morgy arrived.

I remember during labor, Jared promising to buy me Pizza Hutt if I didn't have the epidural I was begging for. We had an absolute agreement that if during labor I decided to change my mind about laboring naturally, that he would make me stick to the original plan no matter what! He's stubborn as hell and it paid off. He was successful! Also to be noted, I can be convinced to do just about anything if it involves food.

I remember how comforted I felt when Mr. Keller, along with my dad and his, gave me a priesthood blessing right before the c-section was performed. It's the only time I've ever seen Jared cry.

The day my milk (finally) came in, I had a major meltdown. My mom had to call Jared at work to have him come home and I remember standing in the shower, balling my eyes out and him calming me down.

I remember my mom being such a lifesaver, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, helping me heal and getting up with Morgan in the middle of the night to feed and change him. I remember the day she went home, I sat on the couch and cried and cried, thinking I would never be able to survive. (Apparently, everything postpartum is dire. So very, very dire!)

I remember Mr. Keller hugging me in the kitchen a few days after Morg was born and him telling me how strange it was to actually be able to hug me without a belly in the way. He told me he was missing it already. Though, I was not : )

I remember being so frusterated in the middle of the night one night because Morgan wouldn't stop crying and I was so tired and I just couldn't do it anymore (you know the dramatics), and Jared came out to the family room where I was crying and took Morgan from me and sent me back to bed. My love for him grew tenfold that night. He always took the first shift during the night. I'll always be so grateful!