To my oldest.

The night we brought your baby Danny home to you, I wanted to curl up next to you in your bed while you slept and hold you forever. I swear, while we were gone, you grew five inches taller, and suddenly I felt like I had closed my eyes for a moment and had missed out big time. It was just like that, and you were changed. Older. Not my only baby anymore.

I think I cried three days straight over it and found it nearly impossible to talk through, already missing so much what had been ours just days before. Just you and I.

How mixed that seemed, still seems to me now. And how, even as I delivered our baby, I couldn't imagine how my heart could grow enough to love another. Somehow it did.

It's still growing now. It grows a little more each time I see you kiss and touch and hold our Danny boy. Or how you can quiet him down in a single moment. I think I'm starting to see that the moment we had another baby, is the moment a brother was born. Your brother. And sweet it is.

I know we are in the midst of a great change; one that's stretching us, and causing us to grow. And as unsure as I am these days, I cannot believe how you are just what I need.

And I'm realizing, as I'm trying to keep you the same, that you are on a journey here, too. And that staying the same is so not the point. And that we brought you here, into our family, and in that moment, it became so much more than just about daddy and I.

I need to embrace all of your growth and marvel at your health, and how fast you can run and how smart you are. And cherish every sweet (and funny!) thing you ever say. Because as sure as the sun, in a few moments, you'll be bigger and older. And you'll keep getting that way, always.

And that's okay. It's more than okay. It's perfect. Just the way it should be.

A few nights ago, as we laid by each other in your big-boy bed, you took my hand and kissed it. It was as if you knew it was exactly what I needed. Because it was. I will always know you were meant for me, meant to be my first. Thank you for making me a mother. You are so close to my heart I can sweetly find no words.

We're soulmates, you and I. It's what I believe.