Leap.

Tonight, I rocked both of my babies to sleep. Morgan curved his little body around my growing stomach. I tried to breathe.

Baby brother taps us both. Quite often these days.

Today, Morgan patted and patted. Kissed and kissed. He notices more as I grow and will occassionally say 'Oooooh baby!'

Oh, baby. Morgan's baby.

The day I knew our family was ready to grow was a day in May. I was recognizing less and less of myself and all at once, remembered exactly when I had felt that way before.

Years ago, someone told me the way you know it's the right time to have a baby is when the thought is in your mind always.

One October, three years ago, I was restless and empty. Because I had never felt that way before, I had to delve to really see and understand what those feelings meant. Once I did, I followed. A few months of planning, and one try, and then we were three. Heart full.

Last summer, I planned. And I prayed. And because I was afraid, I held my breath. I took a leap.

One try, one September, one baby's heart came beating.

Last summer I poured myself out. I explained to Jared that in my heart there is this knowing. And if I focus on it, it leads me exactly where I need to go. And I taste happiness.

What I have come to realize is that my happiness is directly connected to my family. Both born, and still waiting. Together, we create miracle. I carry and birth. It's what I'm meant to do. And I think it is glorious.

It feels that way.