{December 26th, 2008}
I’m sitting here typing away as Morgan sleeps in his crib. For some reason, he had a hard time drifting off this morning. When I’d pass his room down the hall, he’d reach for me with his darling hands outstretched. What a beloved sight to behold. A sight that makes my heart swell each time I see it. Those reaching arms – how I love them.
Each time I’d pass, I would stop. I would kiss him and sing him a verse, and tuck his blanket in around his arms.
I wished him the sweetest dreams, whispered to and hushed him, until, at last, he closed his sky-blue eyes and went softly to sleep.
------
Last night we folded up the co-sleeper for the last time and packed it away in the closet. It won’t be tucked against that bed of ours again until we have a new baby to lay in it. I’ve known this. I’ve thought about it. It makes me flutter. It brings tears to my eyes.
I know that Morgan will never be so very close to me, his mother, as he has been for the last eight months.
Where has that time gone?
He grows with each passing day. He is beautiful to me. I would swear that this blog is only about Morgan and about Jared, but they are all things good in this life of mine. They move me. Life with the both of them is heaven here in this little home of ours.
------
Jared brushed away tears of mine last night. And as I tried to sleep, I wondered to myself what it is about the growth of a child that breaks a mother’s heart. I would swear that my biggest struggle is appreciating this very moment, right now, as it passes. Instead I look forward, onward, sometimes wishing the day away. Why is that?
I so enjoy watching the milestones Morgan reaches. I celebrate them. I clap for him and make silly faces and pull him close. I kiss him. It brings me perfect joy watching him grow.
It brings me tears, too. And feelings I can’t seem to truly comprehend. New feelings that have come into my heart only after I entered parenthood, but not just that. Motherhood – gentle, nurturing, beautiful motherhood - motherhood that has brought to me feelings without words, teaching me new things all days – teaching me that it’s okay to know, to comprehend only some things - to be able to put to words only portions of your heart.
Teaching me to feel other things too. Beautiful, hushed things too sacred for words.
------
What words and feelings do say to me is that motherhood is not earthly. It is eternal. So are the feelings in my heart. And the one thing that I am grateful for is a Father in heaven who understands. A Father who has intended for me to experience what I am experiencing. A Father who watches over me and my family, and keeps us near. A Father who understands what tearful joy entails. A Father that doesn’t need words – yet knows my heart.
Each time I’d pass, I would stop. I would kiss him and sing him a verse, and tuck his blanket in around his arms.
I wished him the sweetest dreams, whispered to and hushed him, until, at last, he closed his sky-blue eyes and went softly to sleep.
------
Last night we folded up the co-sleeper for the last time and packed it away in the closet. It won’t be tucked against that bed of ours again until we have a new baby to lay in it. I’ve known this. I’ve thought about it. It makes me flutter. It brings tears to my eyes.
I know that Morgan will never be so very close to me, his mother, as he has been for the last eight months.
Where has that time gone?
He grows with each passing day. He is beautiful to me. I would swear that this blog is only about Morgan and about Jared, but they are all things good in this life of mine. They move me. Life with the both of them is heaven here in this little home of ours.
------
Jared brushed away tears of mine last night. And as I tried to sleep, I wondered to myself what it is about the growth of a child that breaks a mother’s heart. I would swear that my biggest struggle is appreciating this very moment, right now, as it passes. Instead I look forward, onward, sometimes wishing the day away. Why is that?
I so enjoy watching the milestones Morgan reaches. I celebrate them. I clap for him and make silly faces and pull him close. I kiss him. It brings me perfect joy watching him grow.
It brings me tears, too. And feelings I can’t seem to truly comprehend. New feelings that have come into my heart only after I entered parenthood, but not just that. Motherhood – gentle, nurturing, beautiful motherhood - motherhood that has brought to me feelings without words, teaching me new things all days – teaching me that it’s okay to know, to comprehend only some things - to be able to put to words only portions of your heart.
Teaching me to feel other things too. Beautiful, hushed things too sacred for words.
------
What words and feelings do say to me is that motherhood is not earthly. It is eternal. So are the feelings in my heart. And the one thing that I am grateful for is a Father in heaven who understands. A Father who has intended for me to experience what I am experiencing. A Father who watches over me and my family, and keeps us near. A Father who understands what tearful joy entails. A Father that doesn’t need words – yet knows my heart.
My heart.
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