Part I of IV

Dear Aunt Jackie,
Today I found the sheet of paper you wrote on last summer when we were camping. You wanted me (along with everyone else) to write down thoughts on learning, loving, longing, and gratitude. Although my answers would have never fit on the one small paper you gave, and are probably the longest out of anyone’s, here they are.

Love,
Hollie Rae

What have I learned?

In the last year, I have felt myself change immensely. It shocks me, quite honestly, when I look back, at how different I am now, compared to four months ago, six months ago, eight months ago, a year. My mind, my face, my hands, my body. I am very little of what I used to be. I am learning to embrace most of it, but some of it makes me a little sad. If ever I were carefree, that time has so much passed now.

I’ve learned that time changes perspective. When we brought Morgan home from the hospital, I just knew we’d never make it through. I laid in bed and cried everyday for a month, wondering what in the world we had chose to do with our lives. I was so desperate then. But slowly, things healed. And I can’t believe how now, just a few months later, those desperate feelings are foreign to me. And how that time in the shade brought me here, now, into the sun.

I’ve learned that pain, whatever the type, teaches you new things about yourself. And that I can be much stronger than I really think I am.

I’ve learned that if you put every ounce of trust in the Savior, He will take care of things. Always. Even when you second guess Him.

I’ve learned that I’m not alone, and that somewhere in the world, others have the same challenges, the same triumphs, the same joys that I do.

I’ve learned to be amazed by simple things.

And I am learning today, and each day, that more love grows in my heart for that boy I get to call mine for eternity, and the child we made together. Even when I don’t believe it’s possible to love anymore, the very next day I do.

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Upcoming: What Have I Loved?