{Sunshine and Scribbles}

Love day.

2012-02-15T11:59:00.000-08:00

I followed my boys around with my camera all day yesterday. Because they were excited and sugary and matching. And well, you know, I love them. Quite a bit.

Here's the rest of our day:

[heart toast and jam / morning lounging in my room]

[my sugar rae]

[playing / playing]

[matching balloons and jackets]

[and dinner]

[handsome / handsome]

[and lastly, Cupid]

Like I said, I could squish him.

L-o-v-e

2012-02-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

{image via flickr}

Whenever I hear someone say how much they hate Valentine's Day, I'm sort of taken back. As much as this day has become a "Hallmark Holiday", spendy and cliche, it's neither of those to me. It's well loved in my home. And I don't expect much. I love low-key. In fact, I don't think we've ever actually been 'out' on Valentine's Day. Instead, I decorate the dining room, light candles and we have a special dinner at home with chocolate cake and sparkling cider. Frank Sinatra is always playing all day. I wear red. And Mr. Keller gets extra kisses.

I'm fairly easy to please. A $4.00 bunch of red tulips (which I sometimes buy myself with grocery money!), a love letter written on white paper and my choice of a sappy love movie at the end of the night, which will probably be The Notebook this year. Or a few episodes of Downton Abbey, which I am now addicted to.

It's a chance to celebrate my family, my love for them and how special we can make one day out of the year, counting all the reasons why we love each other. Simple and lovely.

I will be spending the evening with the ones I love most - my boyfriends, all three.

<br>{

PS - morning time.

2012-02-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

Morning time in our bedroom often looks like this these days. Sweet and easy and warm. It turns out to be exactly what I need to get through the day. Isn't that how it always works?

Sweet, intentional moments help me know I'm loved. There is a Hand in my life I've learned to trust.

Morg and his endless stash of "tiny cars" (as he calls them), and my fuzzy Danny boy, smiley and full of sun.

It's true. I love my boys.

For monday:

Some from January

2012-02-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

January actually, surprisingly flew by for me. And I have no idea what we really did. I think that's how the winter months go. You sort of breathe and survive, and hope for spring, which is strangely, right around the corner, I think.

We did laundry, cooked a little and played. And I took a few pictures. 436 to be exact.

[Owl boy]

[Reading]

[My squishy]

[Growing up]

[Gorilla]

[Always either shirtless or pantless]

[Post nap time/wild hair]

[January sunshine]

[Rolls]

Week with grandma!

2012-02-12T20:20:00.000-08:00

We had such a fun week with grandma, sewing, making cookies and doing hair. We made two bed skirts - a striped ticking one for our bed and one for Mr. Morgan's, and a few ruffle towels for our bathroom. My mom is so talented and always willing to sew whatever for me. I, myself, am not a big fan of sewing. Whenever I attempt to pull out my machine, my efforts last about five minutes until I want to throw it all out the window. Sewing = yuck!!! That is why we say grandma is our personal seamstress. And hairdresser! And professional story-reader! We talked a lot, snuggled in bed, read books, and I transferred over 15 hours of our home videos onto dvds. Mr. Keller and I also snuck in a date night while we had free babysitting. We love our grandma and start missing her before she even leaves. Boise is still too far away!

Checking in.

2012-02-10T14:59:00.000-08:00

We're all still here and doing just fine. Be back soon! Have a lovely weekend. Xoxo.

[Morgan overdosing on sugar, grandma love and fun]

Thirty-two.

2012-02-07T14:53:00.000-08:00

{Hayden Lake, early 1990s}

Happy anniversary to my sweet parents, who have been married for thirty-two years today! According to my mom, who is here spending the entire week with us (yay!), the secret to a happy marriage is "caring more about the other's happiness more than your own."

The sweetest part about this is when I called my dad on the phone to ask him the same question, he essentially said the exact same thing. He said the marriage secret is "to be able to put their spouse on a pedestal and look out for their needs and their wants more than their own."

He loves her most for "her ability to mother" and thinks it's cute how she always cuddles up to him when she's cold. She loves him most for his kindness, and loves his smoothe face and nice skin. (Sweet and cute to hear her say that, because she always touches his face when they smooch!)

I love you both! Xoxo!

Feeling quiet, and February.

2012-02-03T14:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not exactly sure where these last few weeks have gone. We've been home, with lamps on in the evening, reading, and humming choruses of quiet songs. It's been winter a while.

But it's friday tonight and we're down one child, thanks to grandma. And Mr. Keller and I have plans to hold hands all evening long.

Xoxo.

PS:
Well, hello my February. So glad you came to play.

Checking in.

2012-02-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

{morgan scott photography}

Morgan's been eating us out of house and home (he's on his second bowl of raisin bran, and has already gobbled up two full scrambled eggs). Danny has been practicing dramatics, which is entertaining and hilarious, and he grows chubbier still.

It is cloudy today. Mr. Keller is at work. And I'm tired, as usual.

That is all.

Things in our near future:
A bubble bath, sweats, banana bread and later on, a long ass nap.

Xo.

Here's what I'm thinking.

2012-01-27T14:51:00.000-08:00

I've been laying in my bed, wishing for two things today: a new back (because mine SUCKS), and for my dad. Of course I need my mother, too. But since a new back is pretty much out of the picture, a father's blessing would do just fine. Why do we still live four hours apart?! Thankfully, Mr. Keller can assist, but there's nothing quite like the comfort of my dad's warm hands. Some days, I'm pretty sure I'm still a girl.

Morgan has randomly thrown up twice this week, but with so much time between the two episodes, it has me thinking he's eating something bad versus him being sick. Who knows? I hope it doesn't happen again though. Poor dude.

In other news, Morgan told his dad he was going to spank him, then put him on time out because he wouldn't let him play 'Red Birds' (Angry Birds) on his phone! His passey "broke" one final, last time (pinky swear, promise!) and after we kissed the broken part goodbye, he got to go on a date with me to pick out a new big boy toy at the store, while Danny had to stay home with his passey because he's still "just a baby". One day of adjusting, and he's been fine ever since.

Danny smiles, sleeps, eats and rolls from one side of the room, to the other! He's been sleeping twelve straight hours at night now, thanks (once again) to Babywise! I cannot say it enough: sleep, you feel so good. I'm still his favorite, and that's just fine with me! I can't get enough of his cheeks or his squishy little bum. He's seven months old now and it makes me dizzy. Let's slow things down a bit, please.

A weekend's what I need. And blueberry cheesecake ice cream. And a massage. And to watch something really funny with my main boyfriend.

See you in a few days? Xo.

PS - Talk about funny. I'm going to suggest that you watch this around 1:30am on Saturday night, like we have the last two weeks in a row. It's borderline hysterical.

Also, please note that when it's really late and you're tired and have nothing else to do to, Youtube never disappoints. Never. Remember that.

Rain, and my new book.

2012-01-26T11:35:00.000-08:00

It's thursday, my dears, and the rain has me thinking january hasn't been so long after all. (It's almost the end!) It feels like spring, which is unusual and comforting. Even though my heater clicks on, the trees outside my window look less cold. I'm feeling so, too.

Good things: a good night's sleep last night, a quiet house, and my new book finally coming in the mail!

Xoxo.

You and i.

2012-01-25T14:06:00.000-08:00

Last night I put on lipstick at 5:42pm because you were due home anytime, and I wanted a good, long kiss as soon as you walked through the door. You probably won't read this for a long, long time, since you're not into this sort of thing, but one day, when you do, (if ever), you should know a few things.

Sometimes I get lonely for you in the very middle of the day, and if our bed is still unmade, like it usually is, I'll turn the covers on your side, and lay right where you lay each night. It smells like you and I love it.

I love how routine your morning is, and how most days, it takes you longer than me to get ready, even if you don't admit it. I've come to accept you probably never will.

I think it's cute you talk to yourself in the shower.

From day one, we've laughed at the exact same things, which I've come to realize is a very clear, personal sign to me that we're meant to be together. Plus it makes everything more funny. Laughing with you feels good.

I think you're cutest when you're kissing our kids.
And when you're scrambling eggs for us in your underwear on saturday mornings.

You grow the meanest beard out of anyone I know. Which is studly and awesome.

When you don't pay up on bets, I forgive you. And when the laundry sits in the basket for days and wrinkles your nicest shirts, you forgive me. We've all but mastered give-and-take.

You support my nerdy side. And my thrifting addiction. And somehow you always seem to know out of all the junk I drag home, which things I plan to keep (and not sell), without me even saying a word. I call that sort of person one who knows my soul.

Soulmates, we are.

Best friends, partners in crime.

You and I.

Banana.

2012-01-24T16:54:00.000-08:00

This morning, during Joyschool, Danny boy and I ran to the store. It felt strange being out and about with just Danny, so while we were checking out, we picked up a yellow banana sucker for the elder monkey of the house. As a surprise, you know.

After naptime, we busted that sucker out, looked for squirrels out the window and took a few pictures.

Have I told you I love this boy?

Well, I do.

Weekend.

2012-01-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

The weekend went by slowly, and by saturday evening we were sort of feeling under the weather. We stayed home all day sunday, slow-cooked roast, and had garlic potatoes and carrots for dinner. We stayed up until 1am friday night watching Moneyball, which we both really loved. Who knew Brad Pitt, at (almost) fifty years old, has such luscious hair?

It's hard not to be romantic about baseball.

Good things:

Couch snuggling without kiddos, my long, uninterrupted two-hour nap, Senore Iguanas take-out, and finding out that pen ink does come off legs, arms and cheeks. (Three year-old self-tattoo artists are awesome.)

PS - Rough housing. Love it.

Also, the bouncer did get tipped over amidst the chaos. Thankfully, Sugar was not inside.

M.

2012-01-22T08:34:00.000-08:00

Last night, I laid by you in the dark for a long, long time. I listened to you jabber on, then settle in, and when I held your face in my hand, you held mine in yours. We stayed like this for so long, until you asked if I was crying.

What sweet moments you and I have together.

I was so aware last night of how you are slipping right from me. And as certain as daddy and I are that you'll always be our baby, I'm starting to wonder. I'm starting to see you grow and become so in tune with need and emotion. You are so smart and tender. You're my little boy now. You're changing right before my eyes. How remarkable and heartbreaking and sweet.

I love you so much!

Duckling.

2012-01-20T11:03:00.000-08:00

Good things on this friday:
a fuzzy duckling head, cute new passeys, a peanut butter popcorn recipe to try, and a new vintage wool coat to wear on our date night....maybe at Buddy's? We'll see.

Have a relaxing weekend, you guys.

Xoxo.

Tulips and rolls.

2012-01-20T10:06:00.000-08:00

Mr. Keller is never in the wrong, except sometimes he is. It just takes some coaxing to get him to admit it, which he never really fully does. But kind of, with flowers. Which, even still, takes more coaxing. Like two nights ago, in the form of a text.

Me, 5:28pm: Please bring rolls home for dinner tonight, and some white tulips from fred meyer for being such an ass.

Lo and behold!

He's since been forgiven.

Mostly because he's cute.

: )

Thinking about angels.

2012-01-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

I've had such a heavy heart since I read this family's story last night and my thoughts and prayers have been with them today. How impossibly hard and unfair and heart breaking this life can be! This story and blog has touched me so much, I feel like it's something I should share.

I'm thankful for the times in life when things are put into better perspective for me. I need this so much! I can feel it helping my soul grow. I'm thankful to know that Heavenly Father watches over us continually and has a great wide plan for each one of us. He knows us, loves us, and is with us every step of the way, if we let Him be. I'm thankful for the divine calling of motherhood and the overwhelmingly deep love that accompanies it. Never in my life could I have imagined loving anything (anyone) more deeply!

When I picture such a loss as the one that sweet mother is facing right now, or the journey she and her perfect baby have been on in the last few years, I'm overcome with such emotion. Even as cold and final as things can seem in this earth life, I'm thankful there is one true source of peace. One brother and Savior, one miraculous sacrifice and one sweet and eternal promise: it is not the end.

“With all the differences in our lives, we have at least one challenge in common. We all must deal with adversity. . . . It is in the nature of our being human that comfort gives way to distress, periods of good health come to an end, and misfortunes arrive. . . . The arrival of suffering or the loss of material security can bring fear and sometimes even anger. . . .

“The very opportunity for us to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of Heavenly Father and the Savior’s infinite love. God gave us the gift of living in mortality so that we could be prepared to receive the greatest of all the gifts of God, which is eternal life.”

-Henry B Eyring.

Brothers.

2012-01-17T09:23:00.000-08:00

Last week when daddy took Danny to work with him for a few hours, Morgan cried and cried. At first I thought he was crying because he wanted to go too, but it wasn't until I realized he was saying 'Bring danny back!' that I understood the situation.

I'm beginning to see brotherhood emerging a little more each day. And I cannot express how endearing and sweet it is for me to see. I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father saw fit for me to be a mother of boys; and more specifically, these boys.

Every night when we climb into bed together, Mr. Keller and I talk about our day, and about funny things our children have said and done. Our last words for the night are often of how tender and sweet our feelings are as parents, and how we can't believe we're so blessed.

We are so blessed.

Monday.

2012-01-16T14:56:00.000-08:00

[my own michelin man]

So, here we are monday afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas. Both kids are dressed, though, and their faces are clean. So, it could be worse.

Friday night we went to Senore's and Saturday, I ran errands for hours (all.by.myself), while Mr. Keller wrangled the kids. I went to all the thrift stores, TJ Maxx, and East Idaho Home Interiors, a new store on 2nd. I bought an awesome table runner there and can't wait to do a little feature on the store on my Vintage Farm blog. (Local business owners represent!) Neat store. If you live here, go!

Yesterday was sort of weird. Church in the middle of the day is no good and messes up nap schedules for all people involved. 9:30am again, please?

But seriously, please! My week seems to go according to my sunday nap.

As for today, I've managed to change a few diapers and pile the dishes in the sink. And as for dinner, we're having a picnic in the living room with leftover sparkling cider, pizza hut and The Bachelor, which happens to be a favorite around these parts. And I'm not sure who's more excited. Me, or my spouse. (Seriously!)

Here's to hoping tomorrow is more productive!

Over and out.

Words for sunday.

2012-01-15T08:41:00.000-08:00

"In order to get through tough circumstances, focus on who God is — his unchanging nature. Regardless of circumstances and how you feel, hang on to God’s unchanging character. Your circumstances cannot change the character of God. God’s grace is still in full force; he is still for you, even when you don’t feel it. Remind yourself what you know to be eternally true about God: He is good, he loves you, he is with you, he knows what you’re going through, he cares, and he has a good plan for your life. Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light." R Warren

Have an inspiring sunday. Xo!

{image: pinterest}

Laundry and Keats. Happy weekend.

2012-01-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

Mr. boy keller and I are doing laundry today and watching Bright Star for the third time in a month. It's our laundry day routine, it seems. And I enjoy it so. He bunches up pants and shirts and puts them in a pile. Then, when he's not looking I take the same clothes and roll and fold them until they are neat and smooth.

I'm teaching him to love pretty words. And lately, nothing is prettier to me than the lips of John Keats. (Fanny Brawne thought so, too.)

If there is romance to be found in laundry, I will find it.

(I should have be born long ago!)

Endymion

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:

Its loveliness increases; it will never

Pass into nothingness; but still will keep

A bower quiet for us, and a sleep

Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing

A flowery band to bind us to the earth,

Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth

Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,

Of all the unhealthy and o'er-darkened ways::

Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,

Some shape of beauty moves away the pall

From our dark spirits. Such the sun, the moon,

Trees old and young, sprouting a shady boon

For simple sheep; and such are daffodils

With the green world they live in; and clear rills

That for themselves a cooling covert make

'Gainst the hot season; the mid forest brake,

Rich with a sprinkling of fair musk-rose blooms:

And such too is the grandeur of the dooms

We have imagined for the mighty dead;

All lovely tales that we have heard or read:

An endless fountain of immortal drink,

Pouring unto us from the heaven's brink.

Have a sweet weekend.
Xo.

Boyfriend.

2012-01-12T14:06:00.000-08:00

Boyfriend is five days shy of seven months old and has now officially cut his second bottom tooth! When his mother isn't sucking his cheeks off his chubby little face, he's busy swirling around in his exer-saucer and chewing on anything he can fit in his mouth. And if what he's holding doesn't fit in his mouth, he gets angry-angry! He weighs twenty pounds, eats like a horse, and has more rolls on his legs than I can count. He smells like maple sugar and has the sweetest laugh I've ever heard.

In case you haven't noticed, he has us all swooning.

(I'm not partial at all.)

Weekend.

2012-01-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

I dreamed about the ocean last night. And this morning, this picture seems appropriate.

-------

We're doing the usual monday morning routine. We rested up this weekend, still reeling from holiday adventures, it seems. I even have a huge cold sore to prove the stress! (I feel as though next year will have to be much simpler in terms of plans.)

We had the both Bradshaw families over this weekend, and we spent friday night hardly believing how much time has past, playing 'remember-when' and talking about all the people we used to know and the times we spent together. Jared is up for his ten-year reunion this year, and in true Keller fashion, has already refused to go.

Saturday, we ate at my Buddy's again. That's the third time in three weeks! I'm such an italian food sort of girl, it sort of sucks me right in.

Yesterday was sort of slow and perfect, even with church right in the middle of the day. Morgan went to bed early and shortly after, Danny and I had a mini dancing party celebrating the discovery of his first tooth! That little fart is so sweet and funny, always up for smiles and laughs. This is my favorite, favorite stage and I can hardly get enough of him.

Here's to a good day. Xo.

Mr. Morgan

2012-01-08T22:09:00.000-08:00

I have a half hour to write this post that I've been tossing around in my head for a few weeks now. After a half hour, I'm going to slip into my big, wide bed and drift off to dreamland. But until then, I must say that Morgan is so big I've spilled a few tears this week. He went to his first day of Joy School on Thursday, and his first day of Sunbeams and Primary today. Then he came home and set the table for dinner.

To celebrate, we made red velvet cake. He was in heaven. I think I was too.

How can I tell you that I find a best friend in my three year-old? He's so what I need every day. He's perfectly silly, smart, sugary, and stubborn. He loves to snuggle and when he's sleepy, he asks me to hold him because he still has just enough baby in him that that's what his little heart wants. The day I realize he's moved on from this, I will cry.

It all moves too fast, and then it's gone. Not entirely gone, but not entirely here ever again. I wish I knew how to keep it all, how to breathe in enough times each day to really savor what's sweet, as if deep breaths and sighs somehow fold away all the sweet moments I wish to forever remember.

How mixed are these feelings, even as I try sorting them out. Feelings of wanting nothing to change, knowing it all must. Bittersweet. If there is such a thing, I'm convince it's this.

I'm convinced there's nothing quite like your firstborn, nothing like being a mother to a son. Nothing quite like the first time you realize that giving birth means that your children inherit more than just your eyes, or your smile. Somehow, in a moment, you realize there's more of you in them than you could have possibly ever imagined. It feels eternal.

Eternal like stars in the sky and waves in the sea. Such is the love in my heart.

Oh, my three year-old.

Open

2012-01-08T09:43:00.000-08:00

It occurred to me at 430am this morning, that I was doing the sweetest thing in the world. Feeding a baby. My baby.

Whenever I go to pick Danny up from his crib, he smiles at me a sort of breathless laugh and he kicks his legs as fast as his can and lifts his arms to reach for me. He does this because he adores me. I am the first person his little heart adores. And I'll be the first person, the first woman he'll love. If ever I could wonder what heaven feels like, I'm absolute it is this feeling. Nothing that came before, or that will follow after this wild and crazy thing called motherhood could ever fill me quite like this. And when I recognize these sort of perfect moments, as fleeting as they may be, it helps me identify how intentional it is when God opens my heart just enough to help me feel deeply how all the many things unpleasant are worth it. No matter how I feel permanently sleep-deprived and exhausted, I'm nurturing two tiny souls. And they are growing.

Hello thursday.

2012-01-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

Good things today:
the smell of clean towels
hanging new curtains
ripe bananas for bread

and a napping baby.

PS - Danny weighs twenty pounds. Holy chunky!

Party up north.

2012-01-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

We had a wild time in Boise over the weekend with my parents. 'Wild' as in eight people in a three-bedroom rental in Kuna! Whew! We ate a lot (again), played games and rang in the new year. Mr. Keller and I hit up all the Treasure Valley 'musts' while we were there: Cabelas, TJ Maxx superstore, Great Harvest on Fairview (best Rueben sandwiches ever!), El Gallo in Kuna and a new place we had never been to on N. Main in Meridian called Vintage Home. We both loved it, and the shop owner couldn't believe how much Jared knew about shabby furniture, painting and the quality and warmth of real vintage things versus pottery barn's 'knock-offs'. It was cute.

Grandma Glenna also spent the weekend with us, and was entertaining as always. One night Jared and I were laying in bed, and he asked me what I thought that funny noise was. Of course I knew the sound right away. It was grandma snoring! (She sounds just like a grizzly!) We couldn't stop laughing when he told me that at first, he thought it was the neighbors trying to start a chainsaw. At 11:30pm?! Haha!

As always, here are a few pictures:

{purple leprechauns, and mom having way too much fun}

{Morg and Landen and their babies}

{Babies with great grandma glenna}

{Danny boy just before midnight on new year's eve}

{sunshiney face}

{morning with papa}

{everyone loves a grandma kiss}

December comings and goings...

2012-01-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

I blinked and ~~december~~ was gone.

We ate. (A lot.) Hugged old friends, went on a few dates, celebrated six years of marital bliss (or something pretty close to bliss), spanked and pinched the chubbiest bottom belonging to the happiest six month-old boy that ever lived, wrapped presents, hung white lights, took over 1,000 pictures, sorted through five hundred receipts, cooked, watched old movies, had a few good cries, snuggled, went roller skating, made fun of people, sang, laughed, smooched a bunch, and toasted to the year behind us and the brand new one before us.

It's been good. Don't you agree?

Goodbye december!

Goodbye!

Home for Christmas.

2012-01-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

This was the first Christmas Mr. Keller and I spent by ourselves. The idea of it sounded rather lonely to both of us, but we felt like it was time to venture away from our childhood traditions to start our own. I must admit that as soon as we woke up Christmas eve morning, I cried. I cried for most of the day, but settled in Christmas eve night and by Christmas morning, the tears were gone and we were full of tummy butterflies and smiles as we watched Morgan open his presents. He was so fun to watch, and Santa seemed to have delivered just the right gifts. He got two police cars (the one thing he kept asking santa for), a big basketball hoop and ball, a lap keyboard, a cash register (his favorite), a real digital camera, lots of Caillou books, "tiny cars", and a big tonka truck. We had hot chocolate and monte cristo sandwiches for breakfast, and stayed in our pajamas for as long as we could. It was perfect and sweet, and I'm one lucky girl.

Here are a few pictures. Xo.

{Mr. Keller loaned me his flannel shirt to wear to bed Christmas eve night}

{Sometime around midnight on Christmas eve...

and yes, that's one naughty little elf that wouldn't go to bed!}

{Christmas morning}

{opening presents with daddy}

{one spoiled girl}

{my squishy boy}

{danny boy and his presents}

{Christmas loot}

{breakfast}

{one happy boy}

Parties and more parties...

2012-01-03T12:02:00.000-08:00

in Preston and Logan

----------------------------------------------

{Danny boy with pretty aunt megan}

{with daddy}

{attempt at acting out the nativity scene}

{a visit from santa}

{morg, levi and bodie in matching jammies}

{my two darlings}

{ grandma with danny (6 months) and his twin lincoln (11 months) }

and a happy new year!

2011-12-31T16:09:00.000-08:00

Happy new year's eve, my darlings. There was a time when I used to dream of bright lights and big plans, but tonight we'll be snug as bugs in flannel, playing cards and catch phrase with mom and dad. Nothing sounds nicer now! Then it's sparkling cider and a midnight kiss, and we'll be off to bed. Stay warm (and safe!) wherever you are.

Kisses, Holl

2011-12-25T12:29:00.001-08:00

"I testify that Jesus the Christ, is the divine Son of the living God. He will love you, lift you, and manifest Himself unto you if you will love Him and keep His commandments. Indeed wise men and women still adore Him."

Russel M. Nelson

Happy weekend and Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T13:55:00.000-08:00

My darlings, I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and a sweet, peaceful Christmas. I've been missing my dad a little extra these last few weeks, since he was always the sweetest holiday enthusiast growing up. One of my favorite childhood memories is of him sitting in the rocking chair with me in the family room one Christmas Eve night. We sang every Christmas song we knew, as loud as we could, until mom made us go to bed so Santa could come!

Mr. Keller and I are starting a handful of our own traditions this year, which has been bittersweet for me to plan. And a little exciting, too. Tonight, we're bundling up, going to dinner and then roller skating afterwards. To be honest, I think Mr. Keller and I are more excited for these next few days than the three year-old little elf that lives here!

Merry Christmas, you guys! Wear something flannel, eat something sweet, sing, read, sleep and take a million pictures. We'll be doing the same. Love you all.

Xo.

Hello! From Morg and Me.

2011-12-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

Snow! And other good things from today.

2011-12-21T18:10:00.000-08:00

1. Danny boy can sit up by himself on the bed!
2. my heartfelt wishes for snow (finally) came true, and boy is it magical outside in this town!
3. wash is almost done
4. I got an afternoon nap
5. and lastly, the kids and I took our last trip to the store until after christmas! [enter audible sigh here.]

Have a smoochy evening. Xo.

Two reindeer

2011-12-20T14:18:00.000-08:00

Ward Christmas Party

2011-12-20T08:28:00.002-08:00

{the face of a party boy.}

{his/hers.}

{the 'Santa Claus' line.}

{anxiously waiting.}

{eye on prize}

Six years.

2011-12-19T21:53:00.000-08:00

I've been laying on the bedroom floor tonight watching Mr. Keller write bills and lick envelopes. The kids are in bed. The dishwasher's humming. I'm in my sweats. In one sweeping moment, I felt something deep in my chest. I felt warm, loved and safe. I am content.

For our sixth wedding anniversary, we went to Idaho Falls for the afternoon, and we took the truck so we could sit extra close on the drive there. We went to the temple, lingered in the celestial room, and ate at Buddy's later on.

Eating at Buddy's prior to attending a romantic party-for-two at the Black Swan is only for seasoned lovebirds (those married for five years or longer, who have loved each other through sickness, health, childbirth and other less-than-flattering situations). Buddy's always equates to a delicious garlic overdose of sorts. We walked through the doors, and never stood a chance. Neither one of us cared.

Once we checked into our pretty room and set the fireplace ablaze, we did what most in-love couples do on a kids-free night: we watched Mitt Romney on Cspan (oh yes, we did).

We slept in, snuggled and went to breakfast, just before heading home to our babies. Later, in the driveway, we kissed and Mr. Keller told me something so sugary it sounded like it was straight from a Hallmark movie. But he doesn't watch Hallmark movies, so it must have been from his heart. It melted mine.

We couldn't wait to get away, but I took note that our conversations almost always seemed to trail back to Danny boy and Morg. I suppose that's what it's all about.

Oh, love. Six years!

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

Louis De Bernieres via nieniedialogues

Christmas "bajammies", as the three year-old says.

2011-12-14T21:22:00.000-08:00

Oh and PS...all my dreams from earlier today came true. (I.E. getting dressed, running errands, cooking dinner, etc.) Except, the wash isn't quite done. But the dishes are, and I'm about to sink into a nice hot bath.

Also, if any of you would like a Danny boy to munch on, you cannot have mine. Oh my goodness, I swear all I do is love on him alldaylong. It's a good thing babies are into that sort of thing. He (surprisingly) never tires of me, even when I try to eat his little face. And if you think that's weird, I get it (though I really don't care!). You probably haven't had your own babies yet! Someday, you'll know exactly what it's all about.

I'll still carry on kissing the faces of my babies until they tell me to "get lost", which will probably happen someday, but my fingers are crossed for otherwise (which means I'm hoping for never).

Growing up is for sissies. And I have little boys.

Come down now, they'll say

2011-12-14T09:53:00.000-08:00

Mr. Keller was sweet enough to let me sleep in today, so I have big plans. Get dressed, shop a little, make dinner, wrap more presents and lastly snuggle in bed with all my boys later on. I've already started a batch of wash, made beds, cut morg's hair and put danny down for nap. It's looking promising.

I've fallen quite in love with the bearded man below, and can't seem to stop listening to his honey butter voice. This song for some reason makes my heart a little lonely, and has me wishing for a slow saturday night.

Have a sweet day, wherever you are.

9:03pm

2011-12-13T20:03:00.000-08:00

This morning I was trying to decide if I had enough energy to put make-up on. The bags under the bags under my eyes (yes, read it again) were the deciding factor. I tried my hardest to get out of my pajamas, but only the top half of me made it. I'm still wearing the same sweats.

The weekend was nice, but it's tuesday night already, so it seems a little strange to be reporting our comings and goings. If you must know, Friday night we played with the Stoddards and Lees, and Saturday we took the boys to see Santa and walked around the mall until I almost started hyperventilating thinking about all the germs. We came home, put the kids to bed, wrapped presents and drank marshmallow cocoa until 1am.

Danny is chunky as ever and can't seem to keep his little tongue in his mouth (so cute!). And Morgan's been yelling, throwing things, screaming 'no!' and telling us that we're 'nonny' and that we need to go to time-out. (You don't want to know where I tell him to go.)

I was wondering if it was Friday yet? Or naptime, perhaps?

Maybe I'll see you tomorrow. Or maybe I won't. We'll see.

Family Pictures

2011-12-11T14:59:00.000-08:00

{Photos taken by Jessamyn Rasmussen of Uptown Photography}

Morning time.

2011-12-09T09:37:00.000-08:00

We spent our early morning taking pictures and trying to catch the real Tinkerbell. The sun was coming through the window just enough to cast a pink reflection from my camera lens to the wall and Morgan thought it was magic. I played along, moving my camera enough to make it look like the light was flying around on the wall. It was the funnest time we've had in a long time. Jared and I couldn't stop giggling. Because, you know, it was "real".

Tonight we're bundling up and going Christmas shopping at the mall as a family. Morgan hasn't stepped foot outside for over a week and he's got wintry ants in his pants. And after we tuck the kids into bed, we're wrapping presents! Morgan's so excited he can hardly stand it. Which, of course, makes us excited, too.

How in the world do we make it through without spoiling our children? I will never know.

Birth, babies, and a little waiting.

2011-12-08T16:23:00.000-08:00

We're about to welcome a shiny new soul into our family; she will be here any time. And while I've been waiting for happy news, I've been thinking, rather nervously, about bodies and souls and pain.

Pain is such a strange thing, and really, our bodies have no way of remembering its potency. Even the very second after I pushed Danny from inside of me and out into the world, the deepest, splitting pain I had ever felt in my life was somehow gone. Instantly. And except for that sweet, tiny voice, and my beating heart, everything that was so loud before, was quiet; a moment entirely filled with God.

I own that moment. I took that journey. I balanced on that razor sharp edge. I felt my body (and heart) split wide open. And I remember screaming through that last deafening pain that pulled my baby through that veil and straight into my earthly arms. I shook, and wept and felt holy. This work and pain of labor is holy. It was whispered to my soul at the very end.

What a journey that even the worst pain could not keep me from wanting to experience over and over again.

[Courtney and her husband delivered their third baby, together, alone, in their upstairs bedroom of their home in Utah last week. Her home birth has somewhat convinced me about my own round three (if there should be one someday). While this is only a part of her birth story, you should read the rest of the story here.]

When it was time to push I was tired. It had only been over an hour  since we had started transitioning, but it had been intense. Up until  that point Chup had been with me, with every contraction and seeing to  my every need. But this was the place where he couldn't really do much  for me. This was that lonely spot in the process where I had to find all  the strength and faith inside of me to push. Another contraction  pounded my body and I felt my spirit start to leave my body--a dizzy  feeling of losing consciousness. I felt it with Ever too. Part of me had  resolved that death is part of birthing life. I had to die a little to  get enough courage to cross the line of mortality and bring my baby with  me.

{wednesday}

2011-12-07T09:45:00.000-08:00

It's nine degrees right now, and when I woke up, it was three degrees. I already opened the blinds, but I think I'll go shut them all and turn off all the lights. Bake something. Make a few memories with my babies.

PS: a song for staying cozy. xo.

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;image&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

image via Mr Teacup on Etsy

A 'what we've been up to' post, and pictures.

2011-12-06T15:42:00.000-08:00

Danny's cheeks have smelled like pancakes all day long now. I don't mind. It makes me want to eat him all the more. And while the baby one of us all is smelling sweet, the other boy-child that lives here has been melting my heart. This morning when I woke up, he asked me how I slept and if I was feeling better. And then last night, when him and I were sharing a nice, hot bubble bath together, he was playing make believe with his tubby toys when he turned to me and said: Caillou is going to Bilbo Baggins' house!

Gosh, my kids are going to grow up to be so awesome.

The truth is we are all sick. Friday night, just after braving a few minutes in the cold to pick out a tree at Lowe's, Mr. Keller and I both caught the worst cold/flu we've had in a long while. Morgan had it first, and both Mr. Keller and I have followed suit. Danny is teetering on the edge, and I think it's mostly my prayers that have kept him. It is NOT a fun virus! And it seems like it's lasting forever (Jared and I are on day four, and Morgan's had it an entire week). I just hope this means we are paying our dues for the season and won't catch anything else for a long time! It's also the first time both of us have been sick at the same time since becoming parents, which has had me wishing my mom could be here making us soup and bread, like Grandma Dixon used to whenever we were sick as children. The good thing is there's nothing like opposition to create a deep sense of gratitude. I am thankful that I don't always feel this way.

Last week (before the plague), I got some serious Christmas shopping done. I think Mr. and Mrs. Claus are, once again, more excited than their little elf/elves. I usually like to get dressed up and wear my favorite red coat out shopping, but this year, my favorite has been finding things online. With the age Morgan is at, we really have to think long and hard about what he would like, so we don't feel like we're wasting money on toys he only plays with for a little while. I love the fact I can read reviews and other tips from parents' and am hoping the things Santa will be bringing to our house this year will be enjoyed. Not to mention, there's such a better selection online.

{Just before getting our tree}

{my boyfriend}

{my wild eskimo}

{Morg's new favorite hang-out spot}

{saturday = sick}

: [

{my little men}

{my chunky hunk}

A few from Thanksgiving

2011-12-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

Texts from a sick housewife (with two sick children).

2011-12-05T11:55:00.000-08:00

me: are you coming home for lunch?
j: yes.
me: well, you better hurry so you can see me one last time before I pass.
j: is it pretty rough?
me: rough enough you should bring some rum home with you.

If I make it to naptime, I just may post our new family pictures and our lovely Christmas tree. I sure wish I could smell it, because I'm sure it smells divine.

November Thirtieth: Grandma Glenna

2011-11-30T09:48:00.000-08:00

I'd like to think that I am my grandma's favorite, but I think all my other girl cousins feel the same way. I think that says something great about who our grandma is. She is creative, loving, accepting, non-judgmental, prepared, giving, generous, and so fun to be around! She is the very definition of 'one-of-a-kind'.

My friendship with her stems back to when I was a little girl. Since I was the only grandchild that lived by her for a long time (until my sister came around!), I've always felt like we had an extra special connection. Since Jay didn't like us grandchildren, she would sneak me over for a sleepover in the basement of her house in Boise, but I remember I always had to be really quiet! I loved playing with all her bright jewelry and with her dolls. I, like all the other girls, loved looking at all her pretty QVC porcelain dolls in the boxes, trying to figure out which one I would pick to take home when I was older. I also remember her pretty Hawaiian collector's barbie that she never let us take out of the box!

I loved that little fishing game, too. I remember she always had yummy treats and food (she still does!). My favorites were sour cream and onion Pringles, Hostess cakes and popsicles in the freezer in the garage. I also remember her exercise bike in the basement and the big fur blanket on the wall.

I remember waking up at her house in the mornings after I had slept over and she would always fix me hot chocolate and we'd sit on her brown loveseat upstairs while she watch Regis and Kathy Lee, The Price Is Right, or The Smurfs. I loved the crystals she had hanging in the window, because when the morning sun would come through, rainbows would shine on the wall. I thought it was magic. I also remember sitting in the jacuzzi with her in her big backyard.

I remember every summer, she would watch Lissie and I while mom and dad went to Education Week in Utah. She would bring so much junk food (we were in heaven!) and the 'naughty' kind of soda (Pepsi) that mom and dad would never let us drink! On the last day before mom and dad came home, she would take us to McDonald's to get a Happy Meal, and because it was always in the month of August that she would watch us, we would always get those small plastic Barbies as the toy that came with the meal. I looked forward to that every year! I also remember her never getting along with our neighbor lady (name withheld!) and one time when she was babysitting us, she called her out on a few things and called her a b*tch to her face! (Remember, our grandma is spicy!) When my mom came home and heard the story, she was SO embarrassed! Now, years later, it's just funny!

And then there was camping! We spent so much time each summer at Anderson Ranch swimming, hiking, playing in the sandbox, riding our bikes, catching frogs, fishing, playing night games, sitting by the fire, playing in the hammock, eating too much candy, drinking too much pop, and growing up way too fast. I look back and think of the effort it must have taken our moms to pack everything up and haul us two hours into the mountains, but they still did it several times each summer and those are some of the most fond memories of my childhood. Even now, I get so excited whenever we plan a trip there. And on the summers when we don't make it (since it's a good four-hour drive), oh, the heartache! Camping with babies is hard! But I'm counting down the days until they are a little older! How great to start the fun all over again! I've missed it for too long!

Things that always remind me of grandma: Avon perfume, Aloe Vera, Dr. Oz, GMC Jimmys, and s'mores.

And now a few words from all my girls.

Breah:
When I was little I remember the weeks that we spent with grandma Glenna at her home in Boise she would usually take us to Chuck E Cheese and the dollar store and it was such a fun week. I also remember one time when we were camping and she was laying on the tube and the tube flipped over and she totally fell head first in the water!

Chandra:
I have lots of memories old and new. I'll start with the old. I, too, remember going to the house in Boise with the ugliest counter tops you'll ever see. I remember jumping on the mini tramp and riding the exercise bike, thinking that Grandma had her own gymnasium and I was the gymnast. I also remember dressing up with Hollie there and of course the doll room and picking out which dolls I wanted when I got older and wishing that I would grow up faster. I remember the toy bedroom upstairs and sleeping on the floor in there where we would sing songs before bed and Grandma would tell us the Little Gosling story and the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I loved getting to take baths there because she would let us play in it for like an hour and when it was time to rinse our hair she would warm water in a pot and that always felt so good to get rinsed with warm water.

I remember going to Chuck E Cheese also and thinking that that was my dream place where I became a dancer and singer in the front of those tables! On the way back, I remember Grandma always cussing in that white pickup while driving and saying things like," that dumb broad get out of the road!" Hollie seemed to be with us when I stayed in Boise and Lorrie would get so mad at Grandma for cussing with Hollie in the car. The freezer there always had delicious ice cream bars too. Oh, and playing the organ! I always thought I was special to get to play it. I also loved watching the humming birds there and thought that my Grandma was the only Grandma with humming birds. I loved those two monkeys sucking their thumbs (because I sucked mine) that were Jay's and I only could see them when he was gone. But when he died she did give them to me! I always remember being confused about why she left so long in the winter (going South for the winter) but knew when she came back she would have all these things I had never seen before, like flowers made out of pop cans and crochet chairs and well, crochet "everything under the sun" (that is a direct quote from Grandma, who says 'everything under the sun' all the time!). And who could forget that mannequin doll she traveled with to make it look like she wasn't traveling alone?!

And for some more recent memories, I loved when she moved to Twin. I visited often and she has always been there to help me with problems. Her and Len were very comforting to me while I was having fertility problems and were always willing to help in any way. Just recently we had a conversation about panty liners and she didn't know they existed. Her cousin in Oregon told her about them and I thought how in the world has no one ever told her about them. It made me feel really bad! We have some fun Idaho Pizza and Sizzler memories too. Hope this helps and AMEN to scrubbers! I use them for everything!

Jennica:
I remember dressing up in her old sexy dresses with Hollie at grandma's house in Boise and taking lots of pictures. I remember loving to play with all her jewelry, especially her clip-on earrings. I loved to go into her room full of dolls and pick out one for me someday. I really loved to play with all her exercise equipment. I love her deviled eggs she makes when we have get-togethers. And you gotta love her slow driving, but at least she's getting gas mileage! I also remember when she lived at my parents' house in her trailer, I would just go out there and watch tv and hang out. We had some good times out there! I also remember her always telling stories of the Little Goslings and Little Red Riding Hood.

Lissie:

I remember camping lot. Sitting by the fire, her telling stories (the Little Goslings mostly), and singing. She would let us "big" kids poke sticks in the big fire. I remember the zapper, and how she would always threaten us with it. I remember I had to sleep at her house because she was scared because she was hearing things upstairs once. I remember her chasing our dogs with a broom.

Kenzie:
One of my favorites is her famous zapper she would go around and try to zap you. Also her always changing her hair colors. The heavy eyeshadow makeup on her eyebrows. S'mores around the campfire. And her yelling at the kids that rode by on their four-wheelers going too fast!

Brooke:
I love that when Grandma reads something in a magazine she believes it instantly. I also love that she always talks about how good she does with healthy eating and that she can't have sugar but she's known for her treats and the famous candy bag!

Gratitude recap

2011-11-30T08:27:00.000-08:00

November 1st: starting new traditions
November 2nd: a warm home
November 3rd: the age of three!
November 4th: childhood spirit
November 5th: redken 7n
November 6th: sundays
November 7th: creativity
November 8th: my new papoose
November 9th: bedtime
November 10th: new gray sweats
November 11th: my boys
November 12th: Idaho mountains
November 13th: being a mother of two
November 14th: one silly boy
November 15th: pretty words
November 16th: music that moves me
November 17th: my five month-old
November 18th: the grandma-type of babysitter
November 19th: my cousins and aunts
November 20th: new resolve to be gracious
November 21st: prayer
November 22nd: Bangkok, Thailand
November 23rd: health and natural medicine
November 24th: Thanksgiving at home
November 25th: marriage
November 26th: Grandma Dixon
November 27th: Idaho Sunsets
November 28th: my own bed
November 29th: Feeling loved
November 30th: Grandma Glenna

November twenty-ninth: Feeling loved

2011-11-29T10:18:00.000-08:00

Tuesday evening, I sat on my bed next to a sprawled-out Danny boy. His favorite thing is to chew on his toes, and when he doubles up, he has more rolls than I can count. He's pretty much edible. In a fast, sweeping moment I became so aware of how I am the one he loves most. When he smiles for me, his whole body smiles, and his eyes twinkle like stars. It's quite magical to take in, and it always melts my heart.

It is no slight thing to be a mother, or to experience the vast span of emotion that comes with it. It's more sparkling than anything I've ever felt before. Such feelings teach me that the entire creation process is intended and eternal. And rather perfect. I cannot tell you how it feels to be so loved.

Ariel.

2011-11-28T22:13:00.000-08:00

We watched the sun set over the Burley prairie last night, on our way home. If ever I were to get a tattoo, it would be three small birds on the back of my neck just below my hairline, or one on my shoulder, or over my heart that says 'Farmgirl' in cursive. 'Idaho Farmgirl', to be exact.

Here, I drink in the scenes. They taste so good.

Mr. Keller and I went on a date while we were home. (Two words: free babysitting!) We went to Cabelas and looked at guns, then to Tucanos and Breaking Dawn. (I couldn't stay away too long! It's just so good.)

While we were home, I played the piano, looked at old family photos, had dad build me a fire (or two), watched Les Mis, went to TJ Maxx and El Gallo, took over 500 pictures, ate too much pecan pie, and snuggled in my parents' bed.

We also played a few rounds of Catch-phrase one night (girls against boys), and mom and I smoked them all!

November gratitude catch-up:

Saturday: for a little visit with my ninety-three year-old Grandma Dixon, who called me on the phone later that night to tell me my children were "precious" and that I was a "beautiful mom". I think having 63 great grandchildren says she's the one that's beautiful.
Sunday: Idaho sunsets
Monday: my comfy king bed

PS - Yesterday, I was stuck in September, but I woke up to Frank Sinatra's Christmas album, courtesy of Mr. Keller and suddenly I'm craving cinnamon and praying for snow.

November Twenty-fifth: Marriage

2011-11-25T08:16:00.000-08:00

{december seventeenth, two thousand and five}

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

- C.S. Lewis

November Twenty-fourth: Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for winter fields, the smell of good things cooking, a heart that feels and loves, and being home one last time.

From me, to you:
Happy Thanksgiving.

November Twenty-third: Health and natural medicine

2011-11-23T08:05:00.000-08:00

Let's talk about natural medicine, shall we?

I talk about Vickie Sorensen like she's mine. I even call her 'my Vickie' sometimes, and seem to find reason to bring her up to each one of my friends and all my family. The truth is, I love the woman and am thankful to have found her.

Vickie is a master herbalist, a kineseologist, and a midwife, (she owns her own birthing center and has delivered over 1,000 babies!). She also has an entire line of herbal products that I highly recommend. Here are a few I'm never without:

Propolis Plus (my #1 favorite!), FemEase, Blood Sugar Balance and Kid Calm.

Propolis Plus is a natural antibiotic. The first time I used this product was when Morgan had the rotavirus when he was one. You would think I would be exaggerating when I tell you that as soon as I gave him the first dose of Proplis, he stopped vomiting (after doing so for over an entire week), but I'm not. I have kept it close at hand for just about everything else, and it works wonders to chase away any sign of cold, throat issues or the flu.

She also has a great line of products for digestive issues, yeast issues, and a great line of essential oils.

I also feel as though I have her to thank for giving me the confidence and courage to try for a vaginal delivery with Danny, after Morgan's c-section. I went and visited with her right before we got pregnant, and also a few weeks before giving birth, and both of our visits were very healing for me, and were an answer to hundreds of my pleading prayers. She gave me a long list of physical preparations ranging from exercises, to taking certain vitamins and herbs, and I know Danny's birth was the miracle it was because I followed through with all the things she counseled me to do.

I will say, too, that she doesn't 'claim' to heal you herself. Most of her ideas and plans for your health include a lot of hard work and personal resolve to eat better and exercise more. Not to mention, rebuilding your body with certain things it's been depleted of takes time. But the fact is it's possible and within reach. I believe it because I've seen it!
-

I have this passion and testimony of natural medicine. And while I also have modern medicine to thank for so many things, I believe God has given us so much of what we need to heal ourselves naturally. I believe it! I believe in striving to be wise and informed, and I believe in making independent decisions regarding your health.

Now before this turns into too much of a rant (because I sooo can get that way sometimes), I should say my husband might suggest including some sort of feminist, anti-government, anti-medicine joke here. Such as, 'lets go burn some bras!', or me advertising to you how, in addition to our closet full of wild herbs, we also like to smoke illicit things in the backyard while we're wearing things bright colored or tie-dyed. (Not true, by the way.) Even still, jokes aside, I have to make it known that I'm thankful for homeopathy. Natural medicine, baby! And three cheers for Vickie. It's so where I'm at, folks. And I just wanted to share.

Vickie Sorensen's Nature Works: 435-586-2049

goodhealth@vsnatureworks.com

November Twenty-second: Bangkok, Thailand.

2011-11-22T16:02:00.000-08:00

A few weeks after Danny was born, Stacy stopped by for a short visit. While she was here, Morg dug through her purse, like he does with every purse belonging to the women he loves. He's usually a gum thief, and quarters, too, if he finds any, but this time he pulled out the tiniest silver car. She explained that the car used to be Jared's when he was little and when he left on his mission, she put it in her purse so she could carry it around with her everywhere she went. She's kept it with her ever since.

That day, she gave that car to Morg, and it broke my postpartum heart.

In a few short years, I will be there with boy boys. I think about it a lot. I think about how it will feel to say goodbye, and how it will feel when they return. I wonder to myself, in this dark, moonless world, how I should go about raising men of God.

I think about Mr. Keller and how deep inside his heart is this conviction that I both love and envy. And I know exactly where (and how) he found it. It's such a simple truth that you fall in love those you serve. And while he was over there lifting, teaching, and helping bring people to Jesus Christ, he was changing and growing and becoming exactly what we, as a family, would need him to be, years down the road. I believe sacrifice brings forth blessings tenfold, and I will teach this to my sons.

What I want for them is real strength, accompanied with tenderness. I want them to recognize truth, and that there is value in hard work. I want them to believe in Jesus Christ, and in the reality and perfection of the atonement. I want them to be faithful and pure. I want them to know where it is they can find that precise, inner peace that can sustain them through anything.

I want for my sons to be like their father. And his father. And mine. And I believe a heartfelt two years in a white, white field can do this.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ..that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. 2nd Nephi 25:26

November Twenty-first: prayer

2011-11-21T14:01:00.000-08:00

Morgan ran around the house naked most of the day yesterday, and yes, it's the middle of winter. He ate fruit snacks for lunch and who knows what else he found. I run a zoo around here most days.

Yesterday, I couldn't get it together. I mean I literally couldn't find it in me to even get out of pajamas all day long. We tried for a mutual naptime once, and when Danny woke up before Morg even went to sleep, I rolled out of my own bed and mumbled under my breath something like: death, please take me.

When I realized there would be no such luck, we carried on. We ate more fruit snacks, watched more TV until 'Naptime: Take Two' rolled around. Morgan tucked in: check. Danny tucked in (and asleep!): check! Lights drawn, heating pad on, ear plugs in. I couldn't pull the covers up fast enough. And it was looking like a home run! Feeling desperate, I thought these words: Heavenly Father, I need some sleep. Please!

I woke up an hour and a half later, when Morgan crawled in bed with me, and my heart was full.

The thing about prayer is it doesn't seem to matter what it is you're praying about. I know Heavenly Father hears every single one I think, feel, whisper, or cry. And because I'm His, he knows precisely how to answer and he always does so accordingly. He never halfheartedly listens. And when I am a little weary (or a lot), I always seem to find enough strength to make it through. What a blessing.

GNO, and a little catch up.

2011-11-21T09:09:00.000-08:00

Our girls-only over-nighter in Logan included shopping, Olive Garden, and Breaking Dawn, which was sort of dreamy, and entirely better than I expected. That wedding was to die for! And of course, my heart still belongs to Jacob. It always will.

Visiting our two college babies took me back, and made me feel ~~sort of~~ really old! It also made me feel old to be tooling around with my mom and Jackie, realizing I'm an old, married, mother-woman, too. Kenzie gave us a little scare when she pretended for a long five minutes that she got engaged the night before, until we all started crying and she felt bad, so she broke the joke. And almost my favorite part of it all was driving around Cache Valley, feeling a little like the scenery was placing me in a dream. Everything was covered in snow and it was so beautiful.

I bought two vintage wood ship pulleys and a mirror at an antique store, a new fuzzy blanket for our couch for the winter months, and a little red firetruck, since that was Morgan's last request as I kissed him goodbye.

And in case you were feeling a little concerned, Mr. Keller survived playing Mr. Mom for twenty-four hours, and I even returned home to a clean house, bathed kids, a smoothed bed and dinner on the table! The man has skills.

Things I am grateful for:

Friday: the grandma-type of babysitter. Jared and I went out to dinner, and for peanut butter pie, and then took a drive up to the foothills to watch snow fall over our city.

Saturday: the ladies in my life

Sunday: a talk in church that focused on gratitude, and a safe drive home.

And for fun, here's some pictures of two of my mothers, and a few of my sisters (although, too many were missing!).

November Seventeeth: Five months

2011-11-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

Danny boy turned five months old today and I felt myself exhale deeply about twenty times. I told my mom over lunch that I could have skipped the first three months and been fine with it, because, let's face it. It's hard. And not just a little. With Morgan, I felt so much guilt over not loving every moment of new motherhood; for wanting my old life back. I was tired, cold, cut, and broken. I felt strange and so misplaced. But I remember that after a few months had passed, I fell in love with my new self as a mother, and head over heals for my squishy little bear cub. With Morg, at about the five month mark, I could have ate the little cuss! I couldn't get enough of him! We became best friends.

Having gone through it all again, I have realized it's a process. One that hurts and feels awkward and inside out at the beginning. But then something miraculous and star-like happens, and somehow, from all the difficulty, your soul has grown. And you feel it. What a blessing!

Five months is good, my friends. The chunky, smiley, dreamy type of good.

November Sixteenth: music that moves

2011-11-16T11:09:00.000-08:00

When we drive in the car, or dance in the front room, the music must be loud. Loud enough that when daddy comes in the room, he can't wait to turn it down.

I've always been like that. And of course I married someone a little like Scott. (If it's not my dad, it's my husband!)

Even still, I do what I want.

It has something to do with good taste. Good music must be heard. And we allow only classics. We forbid all the rest. And we sing our hearts out when needed.

Before Danny was born, I spent the evenings singing Golden Slumbers to Morgan until he fell asleep. He called it his 'favorite', and I drank up every moment. My favorites are fastly becoming his.

He is, after all, my son. And him and I, we soar on the following:

Sinatra, older Metallica, older Weezer, The Joshua Tree, The Moon is Down, Ben Folds, Phantom of the Opera, Copeland, Postal Service and anything coming from the lips of my boyfriend Christopher Carrabba.

And for the record, here's the list of songs I had put on a cd and packed away in my hospital bag to listen to during Danny's labor:

so impossible - dashboard confessional

look after you - the fray

still fighting it - ben folds

remember to breathe - dashboard confessional

when finally set free - copeland, (my theme song when things got very ouchie!)

the luckiest - ben folds

anchor - mindy gledhill

turpentine chaser - dashboard confessional

you are my sunshine - copeland

boston - augustana

a plain morning - dashboard confessional

these blooms are in full - one amazing kid

sun (acoustic) - mae

new year's project (acoustic) further seems forever

PS - I just found this girl Kina Grannis yesterday. I spent all last night listening to her pretty little voice. Plus, she is sleek and gorgeous! I love the jelly bean art in this video.

and this SWEET cover of Foster The People! I love this! And her bearded gentleman friend has the voice of an angel.

November Fifteenth: Pretty words

2011-11-15T09:21:00.000-08:00

You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You  have a body.

CS Lewis

Others that move me:

We have a spark of eternal fire burning within our breast.
Dieter Uchtdorf

It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to. 

Bilbo Baggins

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

Whatever you are, be a good one.

Abraham Lincoln

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.

Kahlil Gibran

The secret to happiness is to continuously fall in love. To give the soul reason for butterflies. 

Courtney Kendrick

Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured. 

Gordon B. Hinckley

November Fourteenth: Silly Morgan

2011-11-14T16:13:00.000-08:00

Morgan's been full of it today. He came hobbling down the hallway, bent over, walking slowly and said, "Look! I'm Grandma Glenna!" He's also been telling me he only likes it when I wear my hair down. Pony tails are no good. And last night, when Jar was laying across the couch, Morg declared he was going "up the mountain" and started climbing all over Jared. Then he turned around (while standing on Jared's head), and declared he was "coming down now".

After Danny boy was sound asleep, we (all three) spent the evening squished in Morg's bed, reading Caillou books until I got kicked out for teasing too much. Sometimes I just can't help it. Morg's so fun to egg on, and he says the silliest things I've ever heard. What would I ever do without my nut?

Well, it's Monday, my dears. And it's been blowing like crazy all day. We're having chicken noodle soup for dinner and doughnuts for treats after family home evening. Stay warm. Xo.

November Thirteenth: Two

2011-11-13T14:35:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful that I have two.

A few weeks before Danny joined the party, Cass told me having two is just more fun. I hadn't believed her at all until the last few weeks. Two is more crazy, more tears, more diapers, more baths, more energy, more money, and a million times more insane.

But now that things (namely hormones) have evened out, ~~we're~~ I'm breathing better and seeing things more clearly. And it's getting fun. And sweet. So very, very sweet.

Weekend rodeo, and the twelfth.

2011-11-13T14:27:00.000-08:00

I wore these to church this morning, despite the fact Mr. Keller told me they reminded him of his Grandma Nielsen. His great Grandma Nielsen, mind you. Holy goodness, she must have been saucy! Regardless, saucy, old-lady-like, or whatever, I love these tights and always will. So there.

Late Friday night, we took the boys out for warm pie and a giant scoop of ice cream. It was windy and cold and blew in a small storm, making Saturday morning extra cozy.

Yesterday, I managed to put our bedroom back together from last weekend's paint fest. We have a few more pieces of furniture to put finishing touches on and I'll be glad when it's all organized and done. Messes like this throw me into OCD overdrive.

Last night we drove to Logan to have dinner at the Coppermill with all the Kellers. We wrangled our two boys for over two hours while we ate and visited, and except for a few scratches, spankings, and baby poop on my pearl cardigan, we (parents and children combined) managed to come out relatively unscathed. What a rodeo, and what a good time!

A good weekend, even. Dinner's cooking, elastic pants are on, and there are plans for cookie making in the near future. Life is good.

-------------------------------------------------------

Dear November twelfth: since I missed you yesterday, here you go:

I cannot believe how perfect the skyline is on the drive from here to Preston. Yesterday, I was grateful for it. I love my Idaho mountains! I love them a thousand times over! Here it's home for me. I think I'll never leave.

November Eleventh: Boy

2011-11-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

Do you know how many things with wheels we have around this joint? The count is probably well over two hundred. Two hundred cars, tractors, semi trucks and trailers. I'm constantly finding them shoved in cupboards, in the bathtub, at the bottom of my bed and, of course, always beneath my feet in the kitchen, bathroom and where I step to get out of bed in the morning.

This is a house of boys. There aren't dolls or barbies, and the only things pink around are a sweatshirt hanging in my closet and a pair of clip earrings in the drawer. Some days, it drives me crazy. But you should see how affectionate they all three get when they are sleepy, or the looks of their faces when I pull chocolate chip cookies from the oven. I'm the one lucky girl; the only one in their sight (for now). Today, I'm so thankful for that. It's endearing and sweet. It makes me feel at home.

November Tenth: New gray sweats

2011-11-10T22:00:00.000-08:00

Remember that laundry sitting on the couch needing to be folded? Well, it's still there piled in the basket on the couch. It's been there for two days! Maybe tomorrow.

I did manage a trip to Costco, flying solo with both kids, and escaped without spending over $100! That store sucks money right from your pocket and you walk out with two boxes of diapers, wipes, and a brick of cheese. Glamorous.

In other news, Mr. Keller got some cute new kicks which he's sporting this very moment, and I bought the first Christmas present of the season! I also sold my favorite buffet today and felt a slight tug at my heart as she rode away to her new home!

Yesterday I was thankful for bedtime, and I'd like to pair today with being thankful for new sweats. It was 14 degrees this morning when I woke up and I've been wearing them all day.

November Ninth: Bedtime

2011-11-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy day. Clean laundry is piled high on the couch and I ate a pumpkin pie shake for dinner. Morgan also got a new cream wool vest and this afternoon, we drove up to the mountains to have our pictures taken.

Tonight, I'm thankful for two sleeping children and a big, wide bed calling my name.

Sleep tight, my dears.

November eighth: papoose.

2011-11-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for this, my little bear cub. I'm thankful to have another little body to bathe, dress, bundle and snuggle each night. Since Morgan was born in November, I have sweet memories of spending all winter that year tucked away indoors. It was sort of novel and oh, so cozy. This year, with Danny boy, I'm finding those same feelings returning. And it feels like home.

There's nothing quite like your very own baby to make your heart feel like heaven. If you haven't your own bundle, you should try it sometime! You'll never quite be the same.

; )

Xo!

November seventh: creativity

2011-11-07T15:39:00.000-08:00

{My mom and Morg sewing curtains for his big-boy room, January 2011}

I'd like to abandon post in our bedroom for a few minutes, to rest my weary you-know-what (and don't be thinking anything naughty!). I'm talking about painting! I think I was drunk about 3 1/2 years ago when I chose the paint colors in there and I've hated them ever since. I hate to paint walls but I love the outcome. I love that with some elbow grease, a room can be absolutely transformed in a few hours.

Today I've been thinking about my creative mom and I'm grateful to have been raised in a home where my own creativity was nourished and encouraged. And I'm thankful I'm married to someone who understands I need free reign to do whatever my heart says it needs to do in terms of all things 'home'. Say for example....drilling a piece of sheet metal to our kitchen wall, or painting our front door a deep sea blue.

I think it's thrilling to take creative chances. It sort of feeds my soul and makes me happy. And if 'happy' for me means dragging home junk, re-purposing, rearranging, painting, hammering, and drilling, so be it. Every now and then, something turns out 'off-the-wall' wrong, but usually things end up being so loveable and just right for us.

November sixth: Sundays

2011-11-06T17:44:00.000-08:00

Sundays are usually fairly predictable and that's just the way I like them to be. They usually always involve a handful of my favorite things.

I cook, nap, wear my husband's shirts and slow down enough to watch intently the faces of my children. I pray, ponder and listen to my heart. And today it's telling me I'm thankful for Sundays. When they roll around each week, they are usually exactly what I need.

-----------------------------

PS - One more thing.....a picture of Danny boy, since all the ones above were taken one afternoon in April, when he was still baking away in my tummy!

November fifth: Redken 7n

2011-11-05T14:14:00.000-07:00

So there I was, early this morning, sitting in a salon chair for the first time since I was eighteen years old. That's right, I actually paid a lovely lady to do fix my hair after an unfortunate DIY event earlier this summer. And that lovely lady? Her name is actually Vianca and she had cute boots and the prettiest black hair I've ever seen. While I read magazines and painted my nails, she talked about Kim Kardashian and she fixed me right up! She also listened to my crazy story of how, on my due date with my youngest, I got an itch to dye my own hair....

Well, I'll just finish that story right now. My crazy, prenatal hair turned red on the top and black as coal on the ends (despite the fact that I very carefully selected the dark blonde box). You may think I'm exaggerating, but even my mom panicked. And when Jared walked through the door for lunch that afternoon, he literally took a step back after seeing me, and let slip the word 'Woah!' out from his mouth.

I should have slapped him. It really was a situation that called for hysterics. But truth be told, I had been pregnant forty weeks to the very day and I had bigger, bulging things to worry about. I really didn't care.

That is, I really didn't care until I went into labor two hours later. I can honestly say, fast forward another few hours, as I was laying on the hospital bed, screaming my head off, I was also thinking to myself: I need to tell this handsome doctor that I don't normally look like this....and....Oh my gosh! Not good! All these pictures we'll be taking here soon with new baby are going to be so awful! (I know, so vain!)

So this morning, I was girly. I was chatty and social. And you know what? It was nice. I'm usually not the sugar pie butterfly sort, but today it felt good.

My mother will be proud.

November fourth: Spirit

2011-11-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

Last night, on our way to get ice cream, Morgan reached up to the sky and asked me if he could have the moon. He asks me that a lot. (A lot, as in, whenever he sees it glowing in the sky!) Usually, I tell him it's too high, or that we can't reach it. But last night, because it was his birthday, I said, "Okay! It's yours!"

Who am I to tell him that he can't have something out of his reach?

The boy has spirit. And it's refreshing and full of life. And I feel so blessed I'm the one sharing these adventurous days with him. I'm the one that tucks him in, gets him drinks and combs his hair. I'm the one who gets to show him that grass feels much better with bare feet and that lady bugs make great friends. And one day, when he asks me if it's okay to dream, I will be the one who will show him his wings. They'll be quite marvelous one day.

Three!

2011-11-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

We had a little party for Morg last weekend, with grandmas and grandpas and cousin Landen. The boys drooled all afternoon over the birthday cake and couldn't wait to 'dig in'. When it came time to open presents, Morgan shared with Landen. Morg got cars, tractors and lots of Caillou things. His favorites have been the play rifle gun daddy picked out for him, and his new Caillou books. I think he pretends he's Caillou and is always so happy when I pretend along with him and call him that. Caillou may be bald and whiney, but I'm so not complaining. It's ten times better than Barney, which used to be his favorite! We're making progress!

I got this construction cake idea from my friend Jamie! I thought it was so creative and had to give it a try. Morgan loved it and couldn't wait to take the cars off the top!

This picture is so endearing to me! I absolutely love the excitement that seems to accompany all things fun these days. It makes it so special!

This picture just kills me! The tablecloth was so messy after these two monkeys were done!

Sending off our balloons with our wishes tied to them!

I think Morgan wanted to fly away with each one we let go!

And this one is from tonight! Dinner served with M&Ms and Starbursts, and a candle in his hamburger. He also got chocolate milk and a sucker, and this afternoon he got to go to the store to pick out any toy he wanted. Out of all the big trucks we looked at, he, of course, picked out a small little matchbox car to add to his massive collection. Silly boy! We ended the night by going out for blue ice cream with sprinkles on top.

I love my little Morgan boy!

November 3rd: Three!

2011-11-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

It’s early morning on your third birthday. I’ve fed Danny and the house is quiet enough that I should be going back to sleep, but I keep thinking of things I want you to know, and so here I am.

Two nights ago at the dinner table, I (Mrs. Hormones), started to cry. It was over something fairly small, because now, two days later, I can’t even remember what it was about. When you saw that I was sad, you stopped eating, climbed up beside me, kissed my tears, and then you asked if I was feeling better. Your dad and I both melted. I cannot believe how tender you are!

I’ve been thinking about the day you were born; the days before, and all the days after. I was thinking about being scared and unprepared, excited, and so vulnerable, not knowing what to expect or how I would fit into such a new life. Motherhood.

November 3^rd, 2008 was the day my soul folded itself into two. And how it’s stretched and grown since then. How it has deepened. And how it feels joy!

You are the reason for it all. You are the one, sweet boy that made me a mother. I should never think it a small or coincidental thing. It was intended and meant to be. And everything that was hard and scarring about how you entered into our lives seems to have faded and hardly hurts at all anymore. How can it when my heart and arms are so full?

I love you, my Morgan boy. Happy third birthday! I can't wait to spoil you all day long!

{November 3rd, 2008 - 1:30pm}

"No one else will know

the strength of my love for you.

After all,

you're the only one who knows

what my heart sounds like

from the inside."

November second: warmth

2011-11-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

{someplace cold, december 2010}

Wow, it's fifteen degrees right now and I could have guessed that number before I even hobbled out of bed.
This morning, I'm thankful for my pink flannel pajamas (I will be wearing them all day), heat at the turn of a dial, ibuprofen, a napping baby, and snuggle-bug (almost) three year-old that I will be taking back to bed with me in a few short moments from now.

Stay warm, my darlings.

Xo.

November first: starting new traditions

2011-11-01T14:47:00.000-07:00

In September, Mr. Keller and I decided Morg was old enough to take out on fun one-on-one dates. It's a tradition we had growing up in my family and we called them 'mommy-daughter dates' or 'daddy-daughter dates'.

Morg's first date with daddy was up hunting for the evening and to get ice cream afterwards. Morg was so excited waiting for daddy to come home that night he could hardly stand it! He got to wear his camo shirt and one of daddy's hats. They looked just like twins.

Today, I'm thankful for the excitement of starting new traditions. It's one of the sweeter things I've been looking forward to for so long.

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"Gratitude is an uplifting, exalting attitude. People are generally happier when they have gratitude in their hearts. We cannot be bitter, resentful, or mean-spirited when we are grateful."

November 1st marks the beginning of a month full of writing for me, and more specifically, writing with gratitude in mind. Join me, if you'd like.

Xoxo!

Read my month-long 'thankful' list from 2009 here!

My little Danny cub

2011-10-31T14:16:00.000-07:00

Trick or Treat!

2011-10-31T14:15:00.000-07:00

This year, I decided to make both boys' halloween costumes, since our usual seamstress (grandma) has been quite busy. I knew with Morg's bright blue eyes, he would be a darling scarecrow and I fell in love with this hat on Etsy months ago and wanted to give it a try myself since the price online was $65! I think this will probably be the last year that I'll have much sway on what Morgan wants to dress up as, since he definitely has a mind of his own!

He's been so excited for the last few weeks now and we've been watching Caillou's Halloween episodes over and over and over......! When it came time to put his costume on, he could hardly stand it. Between that and cousin Landen coming to our house for the first time, he was in heaven! Thankfully, the weather was pretty nice, too. We had fun with our friends at the trunk-or-treat and plan on taking him to a few houses tonight to trick-or-treat. I swear within the last month or so, I'm realizing that with children, everything is magical. I'm getting so excited for the holidays. They are bound to be sweet and memorable. What a fun, silly stage this is!

Boots and sweater.

2011-10-31T12:58:00.000-07:00

I bought this red vintage child's sweater back in the spring, knowing that I was going to put it on Mr. Morgan one autumn afternoon and follow him around with my camera. Last monday, that's exactly what we did. I'm so glad I didn't put it off, because that night, we had our first prickly frost and all the bright leaves were wilted by the next morning. I had just bought that vintage tractor at the flea market two days before, too.

He and I are both in love with it.

(I'm also in love with him.)

PS - on my bucket list:
take a class/figure out how to really use this DSLR of mine.
One day someday.

Last week in pictures.

2011-10-31T11:30:00.000-07:00

Snuggling

Happy

Couch Potatoes

TV Watching

Oatmeal Eating

Bathtime

Bedtime

Church Time (with cousin Landen)

Sweeter focus.

2011-10-31T10:15:00.000-07:00

Each autumn, I buy a new turtleneck, add an extra blanket on our bed, crave chilled red apples, and always, as if on cue, have an onset feeling of sadness. So, now you know where I've been.

I said goodbye to my mom last Sunday, after our big flea market weekend (she babysat Thing 2 and Thing 1). I think I sent her home just as exhausted as we were. And while I was exhausted and cold and sad, I decided I needed a week to focus on sweeter things.

Last week, 'sweet' equated to making the boys' halloween costumes, following around my eldest with a camera one warm afternoon, wearing no make-up for five days straight, making carribean quesadillas, planning morgan's birthday party, hanging new curtains in the dining room, deep breathing, and giving up a few tears.

And you know what? It (mostly) all worked.

Last night, we climbed into bed and into each others' arms and I counted all my blessings. (There were so many.) And this morning, as I snuggled Danny into my chest, I felt return that overwhelming sense of how perfectly I fit in this life of mine.

I can't say that I feel as though letting go is any easier for me (in fact, I think it has been/is/always will be my ever-present struggle). But I'm working on believing it when I tell myself: the here-and-now is just as good as what is gone.

Someone sweet told me, “Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.” (R W Emerson)

Things that sit sweetly in my focus right now:

Yellow leaves on my front trees, a stained recipe card for chicken soup, breakfast yogurt on morgan's face, and new birthday toys scattered across the floor.

Tomorrow starts a themed month of gratitude. I think my heart's quite full.

Danny doodle

2011-10-18T14:44:00.000-07:00

This old boy turned four months yesterday and the best word to describe him at this age is happy! He is our little rollie pollie (weighing almost 15 lbs!) and usually always has a smile on his face. He rolled over twice two nights ago and is darn near getting his two bottom teeth. Lately he's been whining like a little puppy (I mean he seriously sounds like a puppy!), and it makes us all laugh. He is my little momma's boy, as he hates it whenever I leave him. He would eat all the time, if we'd let him. He's healthy and sweet and so near edible, it's hard to believe.

I'm pretty much in love with him. We all are.

Fiesta Corn Dip

2011-10-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

Because I was fortunate enough to marry into a family of chef goddesses, I'm always getting to taste (and try) new recipes. This is our new favorite....sometimes we even eat it for dinner. (Yes, it's that good.) Thanks, Holly!

Fiesta Corn Dip

1 can of sweet corn, drained
1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can Original RoTell tomatoes, drained
5 green onions, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1/2-1 bunch of cilantro
16 oz of sour cream
1 package of Fiesta Hidden Valley Ranch (buy at Walmart)

Stir well and refrigerate for one hour before serving with chips (Tostitos Scoops are my favorite)

Oregon coast daydreaming

2011-10-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

While I'm very much a girl who needs wide open fields, every now and then I get heartsick for waves and salt and sand. Growing up, we drove to the coast of Oregon almost every October, usually with my mom, aunts, Grandmas Glenna and Tilley, and of course, us kids. We'd spend a few days eating real salt water taffy, taking early morning walks on the beach, and collecting all sorts of sea treasure. Next October, my parents and I are planning on taking the boys to Lincoln City. I'm anxious to carry on the tradition and will be longing for that endlessly open horizon until then.

Oregon is nearly perfect.

{October 2009}

PS - These guys are the biggest babies! In October, hundreds come into the warf and I always end up wanting to run down the dock and sit on them. They are so sweet and funny. I wish I had one for a pet.

We took a drive.

2011-10-16T22:38:00.000-07:00

Today was slow-cooked roast, potatoes and brownies, a nap, porch time and long drive in the rain. City Creek is absolutely delicious this time of year. I go up there and I belong.

Today was good, slow and pretty. And I drank it up.

Rosy cheeks and everything.

2011-10-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

"Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

Gordon B Hinckley

At 11:30 last night, I sank myself into a hot bath while the house was quiet and the boys were sleeping. I laid there in the dark, breathed in deep and let the week go. Because it wasn't that great, and full of things that have made me sad and heart heavy. This morning I came across this quote, which has seemed to be just what I needed to hear. Pair that along with toothless grins and things fastly become rosy.

Children are such a gift from God.

And I think a weekend is just what we need.

Xo.

Hired help.

2011-10-12T11:41:00.000-07:00

Turns out that $3.00 D.I. toy was one of my best purchases yet. Now he just needs a 'noisy' (trimmer).

Brothers.

2011-10-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

This picture melts my heart.

July 2011

Blue eyed boys.

2011-10-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

Total count: two.

Treasure

2011-10-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

Look what Mr. Keller brought back from the lonely hunting fields! He said it was partially buried in the ground and he just had to bring it home to me! Right now it's in the front yard, but I think it will eventually make a beautiful headboard. Especially if I paint it a dark rusty teal color.

Now if only he'd come home with what he really set out to find....a nice set of antlers.

Housekeeping

2011-10-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

Good marnin', (as Grandma Dixon would say, sounding sort of like a pirate). Today is a blog housekeeping day where I'm going to finish all the little posts I've started over the last month or so, but never actually got them done. Most of them are pictures, and maybe a few recipes. So, here we go.

Xoxo.

PS - Is your baby fussing already like mine? Man. It's only 10am.

Wednesday.

Little and Big.

2011-10-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

Last night Mr. Keller came home from work so late he missed dinner, which in consequence, made us miss our family date night up to see autumnal City Creek. It made me grumpy, made Morgan cry, and called for a major out-for-ice-cream redemption on his part. We drove around in the dark (and in the rain), with the heater full-blast, eating Arctic Circle. It was good. And by the end of the night he was (mostly) forgiven.

After the kids were sleeping, we watched tv in bed, which will probably be the evening plan from here on out until late spring. We're so ambitious.

Good things:

Sleeping in, pretty falling leaves, and the fact that I got all the laundry done in one day. Damn, I'm good.

Have a silly Tuesday. I know I'm bound to with these little monkeys around.

Sunday morning looks sweet

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from my point of view.

Friday night.

2011-10-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

Last night was a bit of autumn perfection. I made chicken wild rice soup and homemade pecan pie and we put the little dudes to bed early and snuggled on the couch for the rest of the night. It was just what I needed.

We're getting a few things done around the house today, since we're having friends over tonight. But I'm determined to make my way over to Vain and Vintage this afternoon, since I didn't quite make it last weekend. I can never stay away for too long. If you're ever on that side of town, you should go.

Xo, my dears. Take it easy.

{image via little emma english home and pinterest}

Chapter IV: A heart beneath a stone.

2011-10-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

It's strange, and sort of perfect how Heavenly Father leads you to find answers to your own questioning prayers. Sometimes he leads you to other people who teach you, sometimes he leads you to scripture, and sometimes he leads you to books. The important, sweet part is that he leads. I suppose this week, I'm most grateful for that.

I remember laying on my parents couch one summer night when I was sixteen. I was reading Les Mis until the early hours of the morning. And I remember exactly how I felt when I read this passage and I've never forgot the words. It's my favorite passage from the entire brilliant book.

I encountered in the street, a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat was worn, his elbows were in holes; water trickled through his shoes, and the stars through his soul.

It took my breath away.

Years later, with a changed, older heart, another passage left me breathless.

Deep hearts, sage minds, take life as God has made it; it is a long trial, an incomprehensible preparation for an unknown destiny. This destiny, the true one, begins for a man with the first step inside the tomb. Then something appears to him, and he begins to distinguish the definitive. The definitive, meditate upon that word. The living perceive the infinite; the definitive permits itself to be seen only by the dead. In the meanwhile, love and suffer, hope and contemplate. Woe, alas! to him who shall have loved only bodies, forms, appearances! Death will deprive him of all. Try to love souls, you will find them again.

I've always struggled with leaving behind things sweet and good, including best friends, even when we're meant to move on. I think a familiar thought in my heart has always been how emphatically true it is that we lived before we came here. And that we've been placed exactly where we are meant to be placed.

I've always known it. I've always known that even through adoption, I've been placed among a few who have always been important to me, even before this life. I believe that. I know it in my heart to be true. And it feels eternal when I think about what a small fraction of our existence we're living here now. We know it's the most important fraction, as our decisions here shape it all, but really and truly it's just the beginning.

How sweet it is to think that those few, familiar souls we come to purely love here on earth were sort of made just for us, and that we were (and are) led to each other in this incredible, intricate, and intimately personal plan Heavenly Father has in store for us. No matter how we drift across this vast wide world, it's so not the end. There's such divine perfection in that.

Some have one soulmate. I think I have a few.

Off.

2011-10-06T17:19:00.000-07:00

Today's been sort of an off day. Who knows why. Probably because I'm wearing stripes and short girls like myself should never wear stripes. The thing is I know this. But sometimes I can't resist. I love stripes. I really do.

When I prayed for fall, I meant for it to come gradually, but instead I woke up to snow on my mountains. It's 38 degrees right now. (Last weekend it was 85 degrees.) I think that fast of a drop is about to do my body in. Oh, the months and months ahead.

Lucky I am to have a husband who rolls his sleeves up on these sort of days. He's listening to Band Perry in the kitchen, making tacos and I'm planted on the couch for the rest of the night. The 'give and take' is so nice, isn't it? I love my jlk.

PS - The bright side of cooler weather? Finally being able to wear my new rainboots! Turns out bright yellow is pretty much awesome, don't you think?

Crush.

2011-10-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

I must admit, I've had quite the crush on Mike Wolfe since I first saw American Pickers last year. He's tall, super funny and looks so cute in his dusty jeans and worn vintage jackets. He seems like such a cool guy and by the stuff he ends up pulling out of barns and garages, we'd probably just end up being best friends. Oh the adventures we could have! I guess he's old enough that he could be my dad, but twenty years difference in age doesn't matter, right?

Other folks that have a place in my heart:

Evangeline Lily (My new girl crush! She is so pretty!), Andy Samberg, Matt Lauer, Gregory Peck and President Dieter Uchtdorf (so handsome!)

Xo.

{picture via Antique Archaeology}

Stripes.

2011-10-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

Weekend

2011-10-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

I stayed up until 1am painting the bathroom Friday night and Saturday we worked all day long switching out sinks and faucets and scrubbing things down. If you only knew how hot my plumber is, you guys. Seriously.

Sunday we did nothing and it felt so good. It also feels good to have a shiney new kitchen sink and faucets without hardwater stains...even if I've been doing dishes in the tub for the last two days while the silicone seals!

Morg's been piling pillows up all morning, telling me they are 'birdhouses' and Danny's been chewing on my face. That little stinker is too cute for his own good. I'm so in love.

Xo, my dears.